Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
