woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well I just put wine in my tea
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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