I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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