If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
