I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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