I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
