Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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