Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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