If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I think people are normalizing furries
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
