Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Randomize
