Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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