haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
