I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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