Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
