What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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