You're my little dorito
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
