Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
