You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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