yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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