I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
