I'll bet she douches with gravy.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
