I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
