Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
