naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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