why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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