So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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