Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
