what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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