I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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