On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
