So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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