I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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