Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
