Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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