he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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