my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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