I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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