So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I AM VODKA MAN
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
