I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
