my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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