im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
