I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
