I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
