after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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