there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
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