K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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