I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
