We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
