I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
