"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
