I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We have started to decorate penises.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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