Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
