we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
