Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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