fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
