I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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