I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
