Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
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Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
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Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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