I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
