I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
