We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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