I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
