I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
