Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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