Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
