anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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