how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
