i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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