i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
