ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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