My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
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