sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Randomize
