in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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