lets start a swedish sibling band together
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
