Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
