Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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