Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
