Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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